I know it may seem premature, but I am getting giddy-excited for Christmas this year! Today the weather is cold, rainy and dreary and I just wish I could cozy up next to a lit up Christmas tree with a mug of hot chocolate and my favorite red blanket. To see the bright reds, greens and golds as the world fades into muted brown and grays. To see where Elvis, our elf, will be hiding each day. To see the kids excitement as they count down the days. To smell yummy things baking and watch 'A Charlie Brown Christmas' and the old cartoon 'Grinch Who Stole Christmas' that my brothers and I use to watch over and over as kids. My brother Matt broke into spontaneous singing of "You're a mean one, Mr. Grinch..." today and I loved it! I swear we had every line of that movie memorized as kids! To do fun traditions and make memories. To feel that special Spirit that accompanies the Christmas season. I know, I know, patience my pet, it's not even Thanksgiving yet! But I just can't wait! I've been told I have to wait until after Thanksgiving to put the tree up, but I may be working on that after the last bite of pumpkin pie on Thanksgiving Day!
Tuesday, November 9, 2010
Counting Down Christmas
I know it may seem premature, but I am getting giddy-excited for Christmas this year! Today the weather is cold, rainy and dreary and I just wish I could cozy up next to a lit up Christmas tree with a mug of hot chocolate and my favorite red blanket. To see the bright reds, greens and golds as the world fades into muted brown and grays. To see where Elvis, our elf, will be hiding each day. To see the kids excitement as they count down the days. To smell yummy things baking and watch 'A Charlie Brown Christmas' and the old cartoon 'Grinch Who Stole Christmas' that my brothers and I use to watch over and over as kids. My brother Matt broke into spontaneous singing of "You're a mean one, Mr. Grinch..." today and I loved it! I swear we had every line of that movie memorized as kids! To do fun traditions and make memories. To feel that special Spirit that accompanies the Christmas season. I know, I know, patience my pet, it's not even Thanksgiving yet! But I just can't wait! I've been told I have to wait until after Thanksgiving to put the tree up, but I may be working on that after the last bite of pumpkin pie on Thanksgiving Day!Monday, November 8, 2010
Train of Thought
I've decided after doubting it for awhile that I'm still in here, I'm still me. I am still a person outside of the roles I play. I'd lost touch with that girl. Like an old friendship that faded but neither party was exactly sure why. I was reading over some of my old blog archives tonight and came across this...
That was just over a year ago. I was begging and pleading for change and boy have I had a whole lotta that in the past year. I've moved across the country, uprooted my life, quit my job, became pregnant for the last time, had a beautiful baby, tried to learn and grow and stretch with the demands of being a mother to four, beautiful daughters. I've fretted and wondered what my future holds after dealing with life plans that were being altered yet again. I've dealt with reoccurring disappointment and let downs from people that I never felt I deserved it from. And despite all this change, the redeeming change I begged for and thought was the magical answer to everything, I realized that my old life just packed itself in the moving boxes and came with me.
I found myself looking in the mirror a few months back. My saggy, post-baby body a perfect reflection of my spirits and outlooks on my future, outside of the bright and beautiful faces of my children. My eyes lifted from taking in the effects of gravity at work and I stepped closer to the mirror and looked right, straight into my eyes and asked "Hello? Is anybody in there?" It was a weird feeling. Like knocking on the door of that old friend's house and shuffling away in disappointment when nobody came to the door.
Time is a funny thing. It passes. People, places, things, they all change. Unless we are in alignment with ourselves though, the venue of our lives won't make a bit of difference. Something happened in the past week that hasn't happened in years...maybe possibly ever? I decided that I wasn't going to keep waiting for life to make sense to me. I wasn't going to keep waiting for other people to make me a priority. I realized I have to do those things for myself. I have to put myself on the map of my own life.
When I turned 30 back in August, it wasn't nearly as traumatic for me as some people make it out to be. Married at 18, working to put a husband through school and then starting a family at 23. My entire 20's had been about somebody else. I was a wife and a mother, both noble and worthy things, but nothing was about me. I lost myself in my roles, trying so hard to do and be enough for everyone I loved. So I decided rather than dread, I would embrace my 30's with open arms. Like my mom said "Your 30's are great because your body is still young, but you're not as dumb as you are in your 20's!" Have I mentioned I love my mom? I do. But I quickly found that even in my first few months of my new, recommitted 30's I quickly lost track of myself yet again. I wrote in my journal one night that I felt like I was on a speeding train. Scenery was passing outside the windows of the passenger car in a blur and I was unable to even take it in. Unable to find the beauty in the unfamiliar. I was headed on a track to an unknown destination, out of my control and I was merely a voiceless passenger.
I always have thought of myself as spunky. Which secretly I liked, because who likes a pleasey-pleaser all the time? Only those who use them. After some reflection though I realized that the pattern of my life revealed to me that I was just a pleaser with a spunky facade. Ouch. That one hurt. My gerbil wheel, my let downs, my unfulfilled dreams...were just as much my fault as anyone else’s. I facilitated them by not putting myself on the map of my own life. I didn't just allow myself to be put on the back burner, I put myself there.
But for some reason a few days ago I had this epiphany that no one else in life is going to make me a priority if I don't make myself a priority. I refuse to allow myself to be that voiceless passenger. I refuse to not be able to enjoy the beautiful things that await me out of the windows of life because I am so scared and so uncertain of where it is taking me. I refuse to sit in that passenger car and wring my hands uselessly. Dang it, I'm up front, engineer cap on and I am driving the train of my own life! Since making this decision, I have felt the distance between me and my true self melt away. As I have started to plan and act upon my own personal goals I have felt my burdens lift and my outlook brighten. The obstacles I face in my life haven’t changed, but I have and in doing so it has made all the difference. My new view is not just out the side windows taking in the views of life happening around me. But also of the open track, stretching out in front of me, taking me to the destination of my choosing.
That was just over a year ago. I was begging and pleading for change and boy have I had a whole lotta that in the past year. I've moved across the country, uprooted my life, quit my job, became pregnant for the last time, had a beautiful baby, tried to learn and grow and stretch with the demands of being a mother to four, beautiful daughters. I've fretted and wondered what my future holds after dealing with life plans that were being altered yet again. I've dealt with reoccurring disappointment and let downs from people that I never felt I deserved it from. And despite all this change, the redeeming change I begged for and thought was the magical answer to everything, I realized that my old life just packed itself in the moving boxes and came with me.
I found myself looking in the mirror a few months back. My saggy, post-baby body a perfect reflection of my spirits and outlooks on my future, outside of the bright and beautiful faces of my children. My eyes lifted from taking in the effects of gravity at work and I stepped closer to the mirror and looked right, straight into my eyes and asked "Hello? Is anybody in there?" It was a weird feeling. Like knocking on the door of that old friend's house and shuffling away in disappointment when nobody came to the door.
Time is a funny thing. It passes. People, places, things, they all change. Unless we are in alignment with ourselves though, the venue of our lives won't make a bit of difference. Something happened in the past week that hasn't happened in years...maybe possibly ever? I decided that I wasn't going to keep waiting for life to make sense to me. I wasn't going to keep waiting for other people to make me a priority. I realized I have to do those things for myself. I have to put myself on the map of my own life.
When I turned 30 back in August, it wasn't nearly as traumatic for me as some people make it out to be. Married at 18, working to put a husband through school and then starting a family at 23. My entire 20's had been about somebody else. I was a wife and a mother, both noble and worthy things, but nothing was about me. I lost myself in my roles, trying so hard to do and be enough for everyone I loved. So I decided rather than dread, I would embrace my 30's with open arms. Like my mom said "Your 30's are great because your body is still young, but you're not as dumb as you are in your 20's!" Have I mentioned I love my mom? I do. But I quickly found that even in my first few months of my new, recommitted 30's I quickly lost track of myself yet again. I wrote in my journal one night that I felt like I was on a speeding train. Scenery was passing outside the windows of the passenger car in a blur and I was unable to even take it in. Unable to find the beauty in the unfamiliar. I was headed on a track to an unknown destination, out of my control and I was merely a voiceless passenger.
I always have thought of myself as spunky. Which secretly I liked, because who likes a pleasey-pleaser all the time? Only those who use them. After some reflection though I realized that the pattern of my life revealed to me that I was just a pleaser with a spunky facade. Ouch. That one hurt. My gerbil wheel, my let downs, my unfulfilled dreams...were just as much my fault as anyone else’s. I facilitated them by not putting myself on the map of my own life. I didn't just allow myself to be put on the back burner, I put myself there.
But for some reason a few days ago I had this epiphany that no one else in life is going to make me a priority if I don't make myself a priority. I refuse to allow myself to be that voiceless passenger. I refuse to not be able to enjoy the beautiful things that await me out of the windows of life because I am so scared and so uncertain of where it is taking me. I refuse to sit in that passenger car and wring my hands uselessly. Dang it, I'm up front, engineer cap on and I am driving the train of my own life! Since making this decision, I have felt the distance between me and my true self melt away. As I have started to plan and act upon my own personal goals I have felt my burdens lift and my outlook brighten. The obstacles I face in my life haven’t changed, but I have and in doing so it has made all the difference. My new view is not just out the side windows taking in the views of life happening around me. But also of the open track, stretching out in front of me, taking me to the destination of my choosing.
Friday, October 29, 2010
3 Months!
I am such a bad blogger these days that the only pictures I seem to get up are the ones of Devyn growing each month! There could be worse things you have to look at though than Dev's edible adorability! So just deal with it! ;)
3 Months
3 Months Tuesday, October 12, 2010
Good Morning!
Yesterday morning I had a quiet moment chilling in my bed with Lauryn and Devyn before the older girls woke up. Lauryn and Devyn are pretty close to the same age difference as Maryn and Brynna. I was having flashbacks of when my Peanut, Maryn, was still a little Peanut and my Baby Bootles, Brynna, was still, well...a baby! It's wild to think how fast time has passed. I sat there looking at my two, little ones and realized they too would be long-legged, little ladies before I knew it. So I'm really trying to appreciate and enjoy these little moments. They go so fast. 
Lauryn, as always has been a crack up to me. She is funny without even trying! It used to be if you asked her what her name was she would say "Yuyu!" (Lulu). But now it is an insistent "Yauyn Youn!" (Lauryn Young). She can be very literal. If you ask her if she's a Silly Goose she'll growl "I notta goose Moooommm! I Yauyn Youn!" So I was kind of surprised in the video she actually played along and was mellow about it! Lauryn is a force of nature! She loves keeping up pace with her two older sisters and is highly insulted if she gets left out of something. Her current loves are first and foremost simultaneously sucking her thumb and picking her nose. It's her go-to!
Lu modeling her favorite pasttime! She also loves Devyn and will gently lay beside her and snuggle her. But I think she has subconsciously realized all this baby business has helped her to know that despite her independence, she still needs her Momma. She used to rarely slow down long enough for snuggles from me, but lately has been wanting extra doses. Which is just fine with me! She gives fabulous hugs!
Love this!
Devyn is just such a lover babe. She has this Ocean Wonders Aquarium in her crib that she loves. I will turn it on and her little face will light up and she'll grin and grin! Last night I laid her down, turned it on and went to wash my face. When I came back it had shut off, but she was still laying there in the dark, wide awake and smiling to herself. I told Justin that we hit the baby jackpot. She is just such a content, little gentle soul. I seriously love her so much.
Tongues! Blah!
I love Devyn's face in this picture! She's like "I can tell you're getting ready to lose it, don't forget I'm right next to you before you start flailing!"
All my Little WomenWednesday, September 29, 2010
Makes It All Okay
I've been having a couple of days with a lot on my mind. Some things that have made me sad and left me feeling kind of emotionally spent. There's a lot of crap that goes on in this world of ours. It makes me grateful that in the faces of my children I can find refuge from it. Whether it's an ear-to-ear grin from Devyn, a silly expression from Lauryn or Maryn telling me how much she likes going to the store just me and her. Just now I was sitting at the counter eating chicken noodle soup with Brynna and I asked her "Brynnie, what has been the best part of your life so far?" to which she replied "Having you as my mom." Talk about tender mercies from Heavenly Father. When so much else in the world seems awry, He has given me these Little Women to know it's alright.
Sunday, September 26, 2010
Two Months Already?!
Devyn - 1 Month Old
Devyn - 2 Months OldShe is just getting cuter by the day! I just love that little nugget!!
Friday, September 24, 2010
Intentions
It's pretty embarrassing that my Deep Thoughts By Jack Handy post has been chillin' up here for almost a month. One of my cousins who rarely updated her blog had a picture of a bison up on her blog for like six months. I would click on her blog only to see that stinkin' bison loitering on the computer screen time after time after time. In her defense, at least the bison is a step up from my stupid Jack Handy-ish musings. Anyhoo, again I'm off on trails unmeant to be traveled, time to rein it in. So, what's been shakin' around Casa de Young for the past three weeks? Well illness, visits, baby blessings, surgery, and as always escapee chickens. It's been pretty busy and perhaps at some point I'll fill in all the blanks...
But for now I'm having one random little thought... Most days I think of myself as a fairly decent person. But then as life would have it, you come across those people that actually are the person that you intended to be, but then somehow got lost in the translation of life. I know someone who never complains or says a bad thing about anyone or anything. If he finds something disagreeable, he just smiles and keeps his comments to himself. I love that about him. I know a girl who has a serious zeal for life and works hard at blooming where she's planted and does beautifully at it. I know a woman with the patience of a Saint. I have a friend who embraces creativity and finding beauty in simplicity. I have so many people around me that have so many good qualities...qualities that at one point I had envisioned for myself. It's amazing some days how far the paths of my intentions and reality have diverged. I don't like it. Life hasn't necessarily gone according to plans in some instances. In ways I've struggled with, but I've had to adjust. But I wonder at what point that gave me permission to stray from the well intentioned person I thought I was to the piece-of-work I currently am? I wonder at what point life inspired me to get so darn opinionated. To be so hurried. To be so impatient. One who has a hard time planting her feet and feasting on the moment...
A few weeks ago, Elder David A. Bednar came to speak in Roseburg. He said some things that has caused me to mull some thoughts over in my brain again and again. He said that we as people are not objects to be acted upon in life. We aren't like a book you can push across the table. Rather we are people who are free agents to our own lives. Rather than being moved where ever life would like to take us, we can control how we act and respond despite the circumstances that come into our paths. It was pretty profound to me. I've done my fair share of being that book on the table it seems. Allowing life to make of me whatever it deemed fit. I've adjusted to life not always being what I expected, but in doing so also adjusted the person I intended to be in some ways. Now that my eyes have been opened to it, I guess it means it's time to adjust again, back to who I want to be. It's hard though. Change is hard. And it seems when life already seems so very full, adding more to the plate seems crazy. But when I see the people who I admire so much being successful versions of themselves, I know in my heart of hearts I owe it to myself to do the same. I'm not an object to be moved and I deserve to be every one of my very best intentions.
But for now I'm having one random little thought... Most days I think of myself as a fairly decent person. But then as life would have it, you come across those people that actually are the person that you intended to be, but then somehow got lost in the translation of life. I know someone who never complains or says a bad thing about anyone or anything. If he finds something disagreeable, he just smiles and keeps his comments to himself. I love that about him. I know a girl who has a serious zeal for life and works hard at blooming where she's planted and does beautifully at it. I know a woman with the patience of a Saint. I have a friend who embraces creativity and finding beauty in simplicity. I have so many people around me that have so many good qualities...qualities that at one point I had envisioned for myself. It's amazing some days how far the paths of my intentions and reality have diverged. I don't like it. Life hasn't necessarily gone according to plans in some instances. In ways I've struggled with, but I've had to adjust. But I wonder at what point that gave me permission to stray from the well intentioned person I thought I was to the piece-of-work I currently am? I wonder at what point life inspired me to get so darn opinionated. To be so hurried. To be so impatient. One who has a hard time planting her feet and feasting on the moment...
A few weeks ago, Elder David A. Bednar came to speak in Roseburg. He said some things that has caused me to mull some thoughts over in my brain again and again. He said that we as people are not objects to be acted upon in life. We aren't like a book you can push across the table. Rather we are people who are free agents to our own lives. Rather than being moved where ever life would like to take us, we can control how we act and respond despite the circumstances that come into our paths. It was pretty profound to me. I've done my fair share of being that book on the table it seems. Allowing life to make of me whatever it deemed fit. I've adjusted to life not always being what I expected, but in doing so also adjusted the person I intended to be in some ways. Now that my eyes have been opened to it, I guess it means it's time to adjust again, back to who I want to be. It's hard though. Change is hard. And it seems when life already seems so very full, adding more to the plate seems crazy. But when I see the people who I admire so much being successful versions of themselves, I know in my heart of hearts I owe it to myself to do the same. I'm not an object to be moved and I deserve to be every one of my very best intentions.
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