Project 365 {2013} - Day 212

Smack dab in the middle of my crew is the gal who made my life possible this summer! 

 

Before school even got out in May, I was already sweating how I was going to survive this summer. I knew Justin would be traveling, all the girls would be out of school and I would have to be at work everyday. My friend Jaime, who we love to bits and watched the Littles during the school year, was taking the summer off to spend time with her family. My mom was taking care of my sweet grandparents. And my mom-in-law, Jody, had a busy summer welcoming new grandbabies and having company in town. I wasn't quite sure how I was going to swing things flying solo.

That's when one of our most favorite people, Shea Speidel, stepped in! She came over three or four days a week all summer to keep the girls busy and happy. I never had to feel bad walking out the door, because the girls were always so excited to see her on the days she was with them. She helped them cross wishes off of their summer bucket list, like having a lemonade stand and going to Brain Freeze. She took them swimming, went on walks to visit Bob the Duck at the lake. They did crafts and snuggled. Shea even treated them to their first real mani-pedi experience at the nail salon! 

 

She has officially earned her place in my inner-circle. She has seen my house repeatedly looking like wreck, put up with my kids through some bad tantrums; not to mention she got herself to my house every morning to make getting out the door more smooth and always did the dishes!

 

As a parent, seeing someone go above and beyond to be sweet to your kids and going out of their way to make your life easier, means so much. I am beyond grateful for Shea and feel so blessed that she shared her summer with us. We love you Shea!!

Project 365 {2013} - Day 211

Yesterday my friend, Kathleen, took the girls shopping to get them out of the house while her daughter, Shea, was watching them. One of the stops, just for fun, was to PetSmart to check out all the animals. When I came home from work Maryn came flying down the stairs and could not wait to tell me all about this mouse she had seen and how much she wished she could have him and how she wished she could name him Horatio. (Don't ask, I have no idea where she came up with that one!)

 

When I thought of pets I may own someday, rodents were never anywhere on the list. People pay to have those little fellas, ahem, how shall we say... "taken care of". However, in my mind I wasn't the biggest obstacle. Justin is not a pet guy or an animal lover. He has never had a pet in his life. To him it is a complete mystery why people would pay money to have animals living in their house. As a result, in our married life, the biggest foray we have ever taken into the world of pet ownership has been goldfish. (Which the girls have informed me are the most boring pets ever.) So when Maryn was telling me how it would be a good opportunity to show her Daddy and I she was responsible and how she had enough money to pay for him and all the accessories herself, all I could say was "You need to talk to your Dad about this."

 

I wasn't thrilled about the idea of a mouse. But besides Justin's distaste for animals, dog ownership didn't seem realistic or kind since we are never home and it would have to be kenneled all day. Maryn is allergic to cats. It seems really mean to lock a bird with wings in a cage. And reptiles...no way, no how! Maryn said "Mom, I am tired of being the only kid I know with no pets." She had a point, especially considering she has wanted to be a Veterinarian since she was three-years-old. What kind of parents are we if we never let her have a pet? I felt my heart kind of soften on the whole mouse thing...maybe it could be cute?

 

 I decided that the best way for her to plead her case was by arming herself with information. So I loaded all the girls back in the van and headed back to PetSmart. I wanted Maryn to price out everything she would need to actually make this dream a reality. She dutifully went about the critter aisle writing down descriptions and prices of habitats, bedding, food, toys, etc... When we came home she worked all the information and numbers out on a sheet of paper. Showing how much money she had and how much she would need to earn for monthly maintenance. She even drew a picture of Horatio the Mouse.

 

I told her she did a good job. But not to get her hopes up.

 

When Justin came home, Maryn cornered him and laid it all out. About how badly she wanted him and how she could take care of him and pay for him. Justin barely fought it at all. His response was "Maryn, I think you are very responsible and would do a good job at taking care of a pet. Let's you and I go back to PetSmart after dinner and we can look at him together and make sure all your estimates are correct and then we will talk about making a decision."

 

Long story short, one ecstatic little girl came home last night. Justin had given her the okay to come back today to get her first pet of her very own. He even said he would buy her a hamster ball for him if she took good care of him the first week.

 

If fatherhood hasn't softened Justin Dee Young then I don't know what has! I was shocked! He totally went outside his wants to make his girl happy. It made another soft spot in my heart for him and made me love him all the more. And well, Horatio is kind of cute...in a rodent kind of way!

Project 365 {2013} - Day 210

What I love about my friends is that I can roll up completely unannounced, just to drop off some cucumbers, and end up staying for well over an hour, chatting and taking part in an impromptu s'mores roast. Where everyone's kids are sticky with marshmallow and covered in freshly cut grass clippings and no one is bothered by it. Nothing a good bath can't wash away when the fun is over.

 

I love that my kids practically spring out of the van, almost before the tires have even stopped rolling, at the suggestion we stay to hang out; like a flash of lightning off to play and be free. I love that I can say "We weren't planning on staying and the kids don't even have shoes on!" and the response is "Who cares?! Mine don't either! It's summer, let them run barefoot!"

 

I love that there is always an extra camp chair hanging around to park my derriere in. I love that my kids can get dirty, be sweaty, breathe fresh air and be in good company. I love that we can be having a holes in your jeans, ponytail or still sweaty from a workout kinda day and there is not a moment of embarrassment or hesitation to be seen.

 

It is just completely natural and relaxed.

 

And I love it.

Project 365 {2013} - Day 209

 

Standing in the kitchen, slicing cucumbers fresh from my sweet neighbor's garden, enjoying the citrus smell soaking into my skin as I squeezed juice from lemons and being strangely reminded of dyeing Easter eggs as I measured vinegar. Dashes of salt, pinches of sugar. Relaxing as the sounds of Ben Howard's "Old Pine" filtered through the computer speakers, transporting me to another place. Anticipating the summery char on the grilled chicken and refreshing cucumber salad for dinner. Enjoying the idea that all of my family, after a long month of fragmented togetherness, were all under one roof. Lulu wandered into the kitchen and I picked her up and we slow danced as I told her how I was so sure that God had made her just right.

I live for these moments.

Just minutes later cacophony broke out in the living room and the moment passed. Everyone was sent to their rooms for some "alone time". As I came back downstairs from making sure everyone made it to their rooms without killing each other, I took in what was before me. The house that I had spent four and a half hours cleaning the day before had been completely destroyed. After I recovered from the initial annoyance of my peace and hard work being disturbed, I mentally shrugged it off and decided to not let it negate the goodness I had just experienced. 

That's just the way life is.

If we never had those moments where we had to mentally, physically, emotionally or spiritually push through, we would never fully understand or appreciate the good that does come into our lives. I had a moment of gratitude for those experiences I have had in my life. Ones that lifted and strengthened me and also the ones that have crushed my heart and soul. Because they have all given me perspective, which I have decided is one of life's most precious gifts.

Project 365 {2013} - Day 208

After a long week of working and single parenting for me and a grinding schedule and drive home from Orlando for Justin, we had the opportunity to close the day out together and with some good friends at their lake house. From our perch on the front of the boat, Justin and I watched the sun recede behind the hills surrounding Lake Arrowhead. The pink light rippling towards us on the water, as if the sun was blowing us one last kiss. 

I took my hair out of its ponytail, enjoying the feeling of the wind blowing through it, tossing it about. As I breathed clean air into my lungs, I looked over and saw the view breathing life back into Justin's tired body. I even loved the evening chill as it made the fine, blonde hairs on my arm stand on end and the spray of water as the boat circled for a downed skiier.

I couldn't help but think that this is the way life was meant to be lived. Aware and grateful for all the details that make it beautiful.

Project 365 {2013} - Day 207

Fridays take it out of me and today was no exception. But the silver lining is that by the time I get off of work, I am ready to just surrender any to-do's and collapse with my Little Women for a snuggle fest. It is definitely a highlight of my week!

Project 365 {2013} - Day 206

Devyn's real birthday is tomorrow, but Laura's son, Lincoln's birthday is today. So we decided it would be fun to do a little joint, family party with the two of them at the same time. We loaded up the kids and headed to Pizza 3.14 and let the kids run with wild abandon and fists full of tokens. They declared it "The best party ever!!"

I could hardly believe, amidst the chaos of trying to capture the moment, that my sweet Devyn Ryan is three years old. She was such an unexpected surprise when she came to our family and has been a blessing to all of us ever since. I simply can not imagine our world without her sense of humor, her infectious grin and sweet sense of innocence. I love her so very much and am beyond grateful to have her in my life!

Project 365 {2013} - Day 205

Maryn and Thatcher playing the cool tree fort Nick made for his boys before we headed out for dinner!

Tonight as Laura and I dined on take-out pizza at the park and watched our kids run in packs around the playground, I pondered on our friendship. I didn't grow up with a sister. I often felt like the weird, peripheral interloper in a house full of boys. So it has been so good, to the core of my soul, to have found a friend in my adult years that I love just like a sister. One who knows all the silly to serious details of my life. One whom I can be completely, 100%, honestly me with. One who is familiar with the good, the bad and the ugly and chooses to still call me up to hang out anyways. One who provides my kids with surrogate cousins, when their blood-relation ones are so many miles away. Even down to being one who can relate when both of our husbands are away, busy at work. I simply don't know where my life would be without Laura in it!

Project 365 {2013} - Day 204

 

I really wish this was some gross misrepresentation of what my "to-fold" laundry pile looks like. However, this is pretty much the norm. The very site of it is so dang mentally defeating. I just have to tell myself that at least they are washed and dried....

Nudists don't know how easy they have it!

Project 365 {2013} - Day 203

My man is home.

Today was a good day. But after three and a half hours of sleep last night, an early morning workout and an almost nine hour work day, followed up by soaking up as much time with four, very energetic kids as I could before sending them to bed, I was exhausted. I could feel myself fading on the couch and getting grouchy.

Usually in this situation, with him gone, I would doze on and off on the couch, kicking myself for not just washing my face and going to bed. Mulling over in my head what I should have been accomplishing instead of dozing. But when Justin is home, with him comes life breathed back into my day. No one works harder than my husband and when it comes to his job he will grind. But he has the ability when it's quitting time to quit. To sit down and clear his mental plate and do what he likes. To do what makes him happy.

Tonight it's listening to music on his i-Pad. As he pulled up the Avett Brothers, I felt the strumming of the banjo melt my grouchiness. Then "Stand By Me" made me imagine the last time we were in Savannah, just the two of us, without a care in the world. Then we were joking around singing songs off the Dirty Dancing soundtrack. Then he brought home some funk with Ben Harper, moving and head-bobbing, dancing around the living room, feeling the music. Letting out noises like "Mmmm-hmmm!" like a Gospel Baptist Church congregation during the pastor's sermon.

My life is so much better, so much more full with him in it. He gives to me what I need. What I don't give to myself. The ability to clear my mind, to get me to loosen up and feel. It's one of those intangibles in a relationship that you kind of take for granted. But having him gone so much this summer and then having him back, you notice those things.

And it makes me fall in love all over again.

Project 365 {2013} - Day 202

 

I picked up my Bountiful Basket yesterday morning and it had kale in it! As soon as I laid eyes on it, I started craving this soup I used to make with kale, kielbasa, cannelloni and tortellini in it. So tonight I set about to fulfill my craving. The smell of onion, garlic and thyme filled my kitchen. My cutting board was loaded up with green, leafy kale. Sausage sizzled and popped in the bottom of my pot as it mingled with other flavors. I had butter and eggs coming to room temperature on the counter to make cookies afterwards. Then Justin called to say he was on his way home after being gone most of the week at an event. It just felt right.

What it felt like was normal; which is a fleeting feeling for me as of late. And by as of late I mean since about 2007. I have had this struggle over the past several years, amidst life events and craziness, to feel normal. To feel like me. To feel like the happenings of my day have anything to do with me or my interests. To take the time to feel inspired, even if it is just from the smells of garlic, onion and thyme sizzling in a pot, or think about something besides time management and crisis prevention.

In my mind I always revert back to when I feel like I last "had it together". This unfair standard I hold myself to because honestly, my life was different then. I had two children instead of four, (all of which my world would not be complete without), my full-time job was being a mother and running a home instead of working a full-time job AND being a mother and running a home. Life had not yet made me face some of my scariest fears and I had the ignorance of youth on my side.

I was talking to my dear friend Angie, whom I just love, after church today. She asked me how I was doing and said she had been thinking about me. I told her I felt like I was kind of coming out of a valley I had been in mentally, but was doing okay. She shared with me her own thoughts and struggles on motherhood, life, spirituality and keeping it together. I was so grateful for those big, blue-green eyes staring back at me with nothing but pure honesty and realness filling them to the brim.

I have found that people love for you to see their best, but it takes a true friend to honestly share their struggles to help you feel and see, no matter who you used to be, that you are still "normal". That it is going to be okay and that even if recapturing our ideal seems a long distant destination, it's not a road we travel alone. Even when it feels like you are the only one who has lost their footing on the gerbil wheel of life and are being thrown about mercilessly on it. Others are tha-thunking around right on with you, battling their own struggles or losses.

My goal is to work towards being at peace with the pace of my life. To be more deliberate about taking the time to connect with me. To let things go. To stop worrying so much about making sure I don't disappoint anyone in the fifty million different aspects of my life. To be okay with not being everything to everyone. But to have the courage to keep showing up and trying.

My goal is for my mental ideal to not be some unachievable point in history, but wherever I am currently at in life. To measure myself by who I am now and the victories I am achieving currently. Even if they are as small as not throwing a DiGiorno in the oven for dinner.

To embrace being a work in progress and taking things one day at a time.

Project 365 {2013} - Day 201

It's sad, but pretty much almost every weekend this summer has been spent flying solo in the parenting department. The girls and I miss Justin a lot, but are trying to make the best of it. Today on the to-do list was back to school supply shopping with four kids in tow. Let me just tell you, I was crazy exhausted by the time that was over!! But about three hours and $400 later everyone had their allotted amount of glue sticks, pencils and all that fun stuff.

We didn't enter the trenches of Wal-Mart on Saturday to battle our list unprepared though. We decided full bellies are happier bellies and stopped by our favorite girls-day-out spot, J. Christopher's, together to fuel up first. I live for these moments with my kids. When we can just hang out, connect and enjoy being together. I am a pretty blessed momma that amidst all that is required of me, that I have such incredible kids by my side.

Project 365 {2013} - Day 200

Maryn has been working on building a roller coaster out of her K'Nex in my office. I love her brain.

Project 365 {2013} - Day 199

I could have lost her today.

"Where's Devyn?" a voice, that sounded just like my own, silently whispered in my ear.

Just minutes before Brynna had sweetly taken her to the bathroom for me. But now Brynna was next to me and Devyn's floaties laid unoccupied at my feet. Brynna's friend had walked in just as her and Devy were walking out of the bathroom and in the midst of happy hellos, she and I lost our concentration for a moment.

As the voice whispered, adrenaline surged as I scanned the pool. There, on the opposite end, I made out a little shape, struggling to kick under the water.

Instinct took over, not even feeling the pavement beneath my feet as I flew to my baby. Running then leaping into the pool and scooping her out from beneath it's surface. She inhaled deeply and in a shaky voice said "Mommy, I held my brweaf. Mommy, dat was scawy."

I held her close and quietly hugged her. Wanting to keep calm so she wouldn't feel scared by my reaction, but meanwhile the voice in my head telling me "Sarah, it could have all been over. You could have lost her." I have never before been confronted with that in-your-face fear. That in-your-face perspective.

Later tonight after the bustle of the day ended and kids were tucked in, I crawled into her little toddler bed with her and brushed blonde curls from her eyes and stroked her freckled, baby-soft cheek. I breathed her in. Her presence, the steady rise and fall of her chest, her eyelashes laid peacefully across her cheeks. I don't know how I would ever live if something happened to any of my babies. Especially as a result of a shortcoming of my own.

I vowed in my heart to stop just being around my kids when I am with them. But to see them, appreciate them and soak them in. Because you never know when the day you wake up, could be the day that changes your life forever.

Project 365 {2013} - Day 198

I just love this face and I just love this kid!

Project 365 {2013} - Day 197

Today we went to the school store to buy Lauryn her new school uniforms! She was so excited! I can hardly believe she is going to be a Kindergartner!!

Project 365 {2013} - Day 196

I have just decided that there will never be a dull moment in my life. In the past 12 months we have had to replace the fridge, dishwasher, hot water heater and air conditioner in our house that we rent out. As soon as we got the air conditioner resolved in the rental, within a month the house we are living in now developed a leak in the walls that have resulted in having to have the sheetrock and insulation ripped out on three floors of the house to dry out wet, moldy smells. Life is busy and complicated enough without all these curveballs! I swear!!

Project 365 {2013} - Day 195

 Let's be honest, there is nothing sweeter, but babies are so much work! I loved when my girls were little, but am also loving their new phases of independence. However, today at church I was able to take turns holding each of the Markham twins, Charlotte and Lydia, while their momma helped fill in as our music leader in Primary. It was so fun soaking in sweet babyness! But was even more fun was watching Lauryn LOVING playing with them and being so sweet with the little bright-eyed beauties! It reminded me that she'll never have that phase where she remembers having a baby in the house, now that Devyn is a fully functioning partner in crime. I guess we will just have to sneak in more Charlotte and Lydia time when we can to get our fix!

Project 365 {2013} - Day 194

Maryn was helping Devy out with her yoga poses! I love it when my girls are sweet to each other!

Project 365 {2013} - Day 193

 

I was looking through an old journal tonight and came across Justin's and my engagement picture. The faces of two babies stared back at me. We look so young! Largely because we were. But I had a moment of gratitude for Justin. We grew up into adults together and have been by each other through thick and thin. It's a kind of history and bond that doesn't just come, but is earned. And I am grateful and proud we have done that together.

Project 365 {2013} - Day 192

My kids could be responsible for clearing whole rainforests with their paper use. But I must admit, I do love all the pictures they draw and love notes they write! I wish I could keep them all!

Project 365 {2013} - Day 191

Brynna and Lauryn haven't always had the rosiest past together. Out of all our kids, it seemed like most of the tiffs that erupted, were between these two. So it has been really heartwarming to watch them develop a real friendship this summer. They beg every night to "have a sleepover" and it just made my heart squeeze tonight to see that they have turned a corner in their relationship with each other.

Project 365 {2013) - Day 190

 

I have been in the process of transferring over my Project 365 from Facebook to the blog, which had sat untouched for an embarrassing amount of time. As I looked back on old posts and videos from when the girls were smaller though, my commitment to start anew with this old blog really cemented in my heart. How much time have I spent over the years, since I stopped blogging regularly, digesting stupid crap on Facebook that I don't even really care about? Too much. On Facebook I can't look back and take in memories and stories the same way I can looking back on this old blog. One that has seen our family multiply and travel across the country and back. I want my memories here. I want my family's stories and moments here. In a place free of other distractions or opinions. A place where the focus is my heart, my family.

Maryn, seeing me dust off my blog, wanted to do the same and reconnect with her blog that she hadn't touched since we lived in Oregon. Then Brynna, seeing Maryn have her own space for thoughts, started begging for her own blog. So today when I got home from work, Brynna and I hijacked Justin's laptop and worked, putting one together for her that was tailored just to her personality.

I am excited for them to have that outlet to capture life's little moments from their perspective. It takes each of them a really long time just to type out a paragraph. But I love that they are excited to put that effort into it and have something that is their very own. I hope as they do it more, it will become easier and they will be able to capture a love of writing. Justin has even said he wants to get on here and contribute. It just makes me so happy to see steps being regained towards documenting our life and journey in a better way.

If you want to check out their new projects, here are the links to Maryn's and Brynna's blogs!

Project 365 {2013} - Day 189

Devyn is giving me what we call "Gorilla Eyes" in our family. Slightly suspicious or perturbed and 100% adorable!!

Project 365 {2013} - Day 188

I count myself pretty fortunate that after all these years Justin and I still think sitting on the couch, holding hands or snugged up together after the kids are in bed, qualify as a darn-near perfect evening. I just love that man!

Project 365 {2013} - Day 187

 

Sometimes a night home requires kicking up the feet, sitting back and a good, ol' Adam Sandler flick. "I fear you are underestimating the sneakiness, sir!" Haha! Hands down, Deed's butler is my favorite!!

 

Project 365 {2013} - Day 186

Ten years ago today I started a journey and new role that will be part of my identity for the rest of my life. Ten years ago today this Little Woman came into my world and made me a mother for the first time. I remember being so scared that I didn't know what I was doing. But then I looked at her tiny face and knew that despite my fear at my own inexperience, love would see us through. I did decide though long ago that oldest children should get a blue ribbon or something for being the one who has to go through every phase of life with a parent who doesn't know what they are doing for where they are at. I think Heavenly Father knew what He was doing when He sent me Maryn. She is kind-hearted and affectionate, forgiving and helpful. Her presence in our home has blessed our family in so many ways and I am so very grateful to have her as my daughter! Happy Birthday Peanut!!

Project 365 {2013} - Day 185

 

Today was a very soggy 4th of July. But we made the most of it by having an indoor picnic, going for a drive through the rain (just to get out of the house) and finished out the day with some sparklers under the cover of the porch. While it was very low-key, I loved just having all of us under one roof, at the same time, with no distractions.

Project 365 {2013} - Day 184

I am usually racing out of the house in the mornings five minutes late and like a bat out of hell. I would love to say I pack myself healthy, well-balanced lunches each day...but the truth is, I don't really have time for that. So, unfortunately it is usually a protein shake or protein bar, that regrettably isn't very perishable, hanging out in my locker at work. Today I stepped my game up and had a pack of instant oatmeal that was kicking around in the bottom of my purse. Classy, I know.

Project 365 {2013} - Day 183

 

I adore this girl, who is FIVE years old today!! I can hardly believe how time has flown, how much Lauryn has grown up, what a crack-up she is and how her spunk keeps me on my toes. She is truly a one in a million kid and I am so grateful she is mine! I can't imagine life without her smile in it and I am so very thankful that on this day she came into this world and into our family. The Young Crew would not be complete without our Luey Belle!!

Project 365 {2013} - Day 182

I love this view! Everyone piled on one couch together, snuggling. My feet kicked up after a long day and Justin opening a love note filled with more love notes that each of the girls had piled into it and couldn't wait for us to tear into. I tell you what, despite peripheral crap, my life is just dang good!