I'm overthinking this...

I am ashamed to admit it, since I am at a place in my life where I am more comfortable than I have ever been in my own skin, head and heart. However, I still find myself not writing things down when I feel like it because I am afraid I am going to come off a 'certain way'. It's dumb I know and I need to get over it. I need to accept the fact that I am a work in progress, that I am never going to do or say all the right things and that the people who love me, love me quirks and all.

So if you read this and you think "Man, that Sarah....(insert observance or annoyance)" and you find yourself forming opinions of the one-dimensional character that emerges from whatever I write on any given day, then quit reading this blog. I speak from experience on this. I have gotten annoyed at times at whatever one side of the story I was receiving in other people's lives and I just had to say to myself "Cut it out Sarah. This is just one facet of their life. Don't think you have it all figured out." In a moment of insecurity I recently thought "I should just go completely private and then write what I want and know someday my kids will get it because they get me." But then I realized I need to quit being a weirdo and just be me. Say what I think and write what I would say.

So onward folks. I am going to stop doing what I am best at, overthinking stupid things.

One would think that raising girls would keep me from the tittering joys of bathroom talk that people expect with a passel of boys. Not so. The girls are huddled around the breakfast table in the next room saying "Poopface!!" and then erupting into giggles. Kids....

Morning Tantrum

This morning Brynna came stomping into my bathroom in her uniform pants, upset that I had made her change out of her skort because it was dirty. (A little background, Brynna hates wearing the uniform pants, she only likes the skorts. But she had already worn her skorts for the week and pants were the only clean options left.) She scowled at me and said “You know what hate about my school….”

I cut her off there. Maybe it was rude, but I was in no mood for ungrateful tantrums. I said “Brynna, I am not really interested in listening to a tirade of what you hate.

Do you want to know that there are still little girls in this world who don’t even get to go to school, because their society says they are not worth it.

There are little girls who will never learn how to read because there are people that see no value in educating a girl.

There are little girls who have no say in what they do, who they marry, or what they become.

YOU are a girl born in America. YOU are a girl who is not told if she gets to learn, but you are a girl who gets to decide if you will choose to learn. YOU get to choose to be whatever you can dream or imagine and you live in a place where if you work hard enough you can make that happen. YOU get to choose the man who you will marry someday. YOU get to choose what you will do with your life. YOU live in a time in history and in a society where your thoughts as a girl are valued and matter.

If you want to waste your time pouting and crying about the fact that you didn’t get to choose your skirt today then shame on you for having such an ungrateful attitude. YOU have every choice that really matters in life, Brynna. Be grateful and quit whining.”

Maybe I was a bit heavy on her, but dang it I won't have my kids growing up like so many spoiled brats out there who's parents soothe and appease their every whim and demand in life if they cry loud enough or scowl long enough. I love my kids with all my heart and the last thing I want them suffering from in life is an ungrateful heart. I hope my kids know that I expect them to do and be their best not because I am a battle axe, stick-in-the-mud, but because I love them and want to help them be the people they were sent to this earth to be.

I hope they always know that I think that they are smart, kind, talented and beautiful. I hope they know that I am always here to assist them in all that they do. I hope that when they doubt themselves they will know they were raised to push past that doubt. I hope they will know that they are Young's and because of that they can do hard things and need to strive to have grateful hearts.

I hope in the long run a little sternness will be interpreted for what it really is...a heavy dose of love.

Growing up...

When Maryn and Brynna were little we used to watch "America's Funniest Videos" almost every night together as a family. We loved it, but then the routine got dropped for some reason. A few nights ago we re-discovered it on Netflix. This time though with two more kids who are now the same ages Maryn and Brynna were when we were last regulars to the show. It was so cute seeing my Little Women lined up on the couch; snuggling, laughing, yelling at the screen and when it was all done re-enacting their favorite clips.

Devyn has officially become one of the big girls. Which really blows my mind because it seems like even in the last week she has grown leaps and bounds. It makes me wonder what one more week might bring! She got the jokes, jumped in on the wrestling match and huskily marched around the room yelling, laughing at everything and pulling crazy, cute grins. Tonight we asked Brynna to call Maryn and Lauryn down for dinner. Instead Devyn marched to the bottom of the stairs and hollered "Maaaaayn, Yahhhh, iiiinnnn!!" ("Maryn, Lauryn dinner!") with perfect inflection. Justin and I traded glances as if to say "When the heck did she start talking?!"

It's so weird how our family is growing up. When you are in the thick of your labor-intensive years of raising small children you think it is never going to end. You think it will last forever. But lately I have seen small glimpses of new phases on the horizon. It's exciting and sad at the same time. Maryn told me the other day "Mom, I don't really want to grow up....but I do feel like I am becoming a young lady." I had to stifle a chuckle at her choice of words because she was so serious. But hey, if they have to grow up I'll accept their goal of becoming young ladies!

I know I can't stop the steady hand of time, ever progressing forward. Some days it makes me a little sad to know that our time as parents of young children won't be around forever. But seeing how the girls have grown already, and seeing how proud they make me to be their mom, I find peace in knowing that whatever phase of life we are in, it will be fulfilling as long as we are all together.

If you don't have anything nice to say...

...don't say anything at all, right?

But I just.can't.resist!!

I posted this to my Facebook status tonight and immediately deleted it for fear of offending some people on my friend's list who could benefit from this advice....

I get annoyed by people who refuse to grow up. If you have graduated from high school, that means it's time to stop acting like you are still 16 and let life change you in good ways. Put your boobs back in your shirt, quit taking five million posey pictures of yourself and go be a productive human being who grasps that there is a universe beyond the end of your cute, little nose. Sorry I just had to get that off my chest.

Truthfully, even if my 16-year-old acted the way some of these full grown adults act I would be embarrassed. When did it become "hot" to dress like a hooker, drink like a sailor, and be so self-absorbed that your greatest joy in life is capturing new and seductive poses of yourself?

Why would you want to seduce the entire Facebook population anyway? Doesn't that just scream "I don't think enough of myself, so I have to try and sell my sexuality and attractiveness to other people so I can be validated by a complete array of random people in my life."?

It's weird to me.

I have nothing against sexy. Sexy is good. For the right audience. Particularly the one you actually share a bed with. Grandma doesn't need to see your sex kitten. Random friend from high school doesn't need to see you getting your 30-year-old self sloshed pressed up like a lesbo against your best friend. Cousin doesn't need to see you pose with furry, kitty cat ears and that ridiculous kissy-face people make that they think makes them look "SOOOOO HAWT!!!"

Even at Costco today some chick was shopping with her boyfriend/husband and baby who had the most ENORMOUS boobs I have ever seen popping out of her tiny, spaghetti-strap tank. We are talking about unprecedented levels of cleavage here people. At least from what I have seen publicly displayed. Think longer than a butt crack... and this chick was tiny. So ridiculously unproportionate... but that's another story. Back to the point. Her husband/boyfriend apparently loved the boobage. So much so that he proudly displayed her in a seductive, ample-bosomed pose tattooed on his bicep....as they are grocery shopping with their baby.

Because nothing turns me on like shopping for toilet paper with my kid in tow. Gotta see/expose every inch possible of those sweet ta-ta's as I buy ketchup and frozen chicken. Right?!

Am I the only one that thinks this is weird? Am I the only one that thinks their grandkids are going to be seriously grossed out by grandma being preserved in ink in all her sexual glory on grandpa's arm? Am I the only one who thinks if sex kitten is out all the time, what makes it exciting when it's actually time to get down to business?

I could go on, but the moral of the story and my rant is...get your sexy on people. Just don't subject the general population to it. And also don't let it define you. Don't let the only thing you have to offer be a kissy-face and arm-length self-portrait. Because it's so played out it doesn't really impress anyone anymore. All it accomplishes is making you look like a desperate, self-absorbed fool. And really, who finds that attractive?

Rant over.

I'm baaaaaack!!

Happy January 1st everyone!! I really am excited to hop back in the blogging saddle again. I'm not saying that I even have anything interesting to say; but like completing my Project 365 yesterday on the last day of 2011, I know the act of being better about journaling is something that will be so worth it when I look back on it. I am excited to be better about documenting all that lies ahead of The Young Crew in 2012!

2012 Intentions

As hereby promise that as soon as I am done with Project 365 for 2011 I will be a better blogger.....and I can say that because anything is an improvement from my current upkeep of this poor blog! ;)