I love what good little buddies Devyn and Lauryn are becoming. Lulu just got in trouble for lying to me about eating her lunch and was sent to the corner for time out. Devy, who hadn't done anything wrong, hung her head and followed her sister to the corner. I told her to shoo, that Luey needed to do her time alone. But every time I turned around they were sitting there giggling together. Finally I said "Both of you need to go take a nap." To which they happily complied and scooted up the stairs together. I am not kidding myself. I am quite sure when I go check on them they will not be sleeping. But the fact they were eager to go take a nap, if it meant being together, pulled on my heartstrings.
Tuesday, October 9, 2012
Monday, October 8, 2012
It's finally here....
I know I have mentioned this on Facebook, but I had the chance to be a small part of a collaborative book on motherhood. The hard copies finally arrived in the mail today. The way the story was edited changed the feel of my piece, in my opinion. I loved my original, which made mention of my gratitude to my Father in Heaven. But the editors wanted the book to feel accessible to people of all belief systems, but who are unified through motherhood. I respected the sentiment, so I consented to some small changes that still left the feeling of my piece intact without overtly referring to Diety. But I did so wish I could have included the source of which my gratitude was directed to. It was such a strong part of the moment I was feeling when I wrote it. More than anything though, being included in this process has given me the courage to not be afraid of someday chasing my dream of writing a book of my very own. It's been a very gratifying experience. One that I am grateful to the editors for letting me be a part of and helping me to see the hope in future dreams.
Sunday, October 7, 2012
Conference Thoughts
I am amazed every six months how it seems like the things that are spoken about in General Conference were intended just for me or for someone I know. I had the opportunity to invite one of my CrossFit coaches, Josh, to come to the church building to watch it with us. It's always amazing how much more appreciative I am of the truths I have and enjoy when looking at it through the eyes of someone seeing it for the first time. It was just a really great and humbling experience.
When I was younger, I was afraid of opening my mouth and declaring my faith. That I was a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. I had been the object of persecution for my beliefs and being the shy person I was, it scarred me a little bit. But as I have grown in tandem with my testimony that fear has left me and those wounds of persecution have healed. I no longer fear the opinions of man, because my love of the Savior and His gospel is so secure.
As Elder Jeffrey R. Holland stood to speak I turned to Josh and whispered in my most excited reverent voice, "He is one of my favorites!!" When the talk was through, as I wiped tears of wonder, love and gratitude from my cheeks, Josh leaned forward and said "Wow, I can see why he is one of your favorites." Then he added with a chuckle, "And he has great hair too!" Just one of the many things to love about this special apostle of the Lord. He talked about our commitment to our Savior, Jesus Christ, and recounted the story of Christ's visit to Peter on the shore of Galilee after His resurrection. His talk left me with the determination and desire to be able to say when I someday fall at my Savior's feet and if He asks me "Lovest thou me?" like he did to the apostle Peter, I too will be able to respond, "Yea Lord, thou knowest that I love thee." It is my hope that the sincerity of those words will be reflected in the content of my life.
When I was younger, I was afraid of opening my mouth and declaring my faith. That I was a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. I had been the object of persecution for my beliefs and being the shy person I was, it scarred me a little bit. But as I have grown in tandem with my testimony that fear has left me and those wounds of persecution have healed. I no longer fear the opinions of man, because my love of the Savior and His gospel is so secure.
As Elder Jeffrey R. Holland stood to speak I turned to Josh and whispered in my most excited reverent voice, "He is one of my favorites!!" When the talk was through, as I wiped tears of wonder, love and gratitude from my cheeks, Josh leaned forward and said "Wow, I can see why he is one of your favorites." Then he added with a chuckle, "And he has great hair too!" Just one of the many things to love about this special apostle of the Lord. He talked about our commitment to our Savior, Jesus Christ, and recounted the story of Christ's visit to Peter on the shore of Galilee after His resurrection. His talk left me with the determination and desire to be able to say when I someday fall at my Savior's feet and if He asks me "Lovest thou me?" like he did to the apostle Peter, I too will be able to respond, "Yea Lord, thou knowest that I love thee." It is my hope that the sincerity of those words will be reflected in the content of my life.
Friday, October 5, 2012
Wednesday, October 3, 2012
A Day in the Life
I started out my morning in the gym doing deadlifts, about fifty million walking lunges, kettlebell swings and modified walking handstands. I was sore and tired by the time I got home, but immediately had to shower and get Maryn and Brynna to school. Then rush home get Lauryn ready for Picture Day at Preschool, go to the store with Devyn and then run home to catch my breath. Or so I thought. While Lauryn was at school I decided it would be a brilliant idea to surprise her and set up a big girl bed for her, move Devyn from the crib to the toddler bed and take the crib down to give to Maryn's piano teacher who is expecting twins in a couple of months. This meant rearranging all the furniture and lugging everything up two flights of stairs from the basement to the Littles' room. About half way through it my muscles reminded me I had already done all those deadlifts and lunges this morning. Not smart. I asked the Littles to lay down for 20 minutes, so I could sit, uninterrupted, for a rest. They ignored me and tried to break loose and run outside. Apparently they don't care that Momma's been up since 4:30.
The big girls will be getting home from school soon. Luckily 1st Quarter Robotics is over for the Biggles now, which was their usual Wednesday activity. That means I don't have to drive back down to the school to get them (our school is about 20 minutes away) because my sweet friend Kathleen offered to bring them home after school with her kids. Then it's homework, chores, dinner, jammies for the kids and then I am off to a Presidency Meeting for Primary and may make it home in time to catch the Presidential Debates and kiss my husband. I dare someone to imply mothers sit around and eat bob-bons all day.
The big girls will be getting home from school soon. Luckily 1st Quarter Robotics is over for the Biggles now, which was their usual Wednesday activity. That means I don't have to drive back down to the school to get them (our school is about 20 minutes away) because my sweet friend Kathleen offered to bring them home after school with her kids. Then it's homework, chores, dinner, jammies for the kids and then I am off to a Presidency Meeting for Primary and may make it home in time to catch the Presidential Debates and kiss my husband. I dare someone to imply mothers sit around and eat bob-bons all day.
Sunday, September 30, 2012
Dishes and Insecurity
Just as I got done determining at 9:30 p.m. I needed to shut it down for the day and head upstairs and get ready for bed, (I am usually an 11:30-12:00 kind of girl and my body hates me when the alarm goes off at 4:30 a.m. for my workout.) I paused from finishing up dishes to sit down and write. It's now 9:31....people, my best laid plans always fail. But I justify this as journaling and so therefore it is, well, justified. Right?!
Anyhoot, as I was washing sludge out of bowls, scraping crust out of pans and feeling my fingers began to wrinkle, I wondered. I wondered why today I felt like invisibility would be nice. I wondered how it is that one day I could feel so outgoing and the next subconsciously long for anonymity. To live in my cave, nestled close to the ones who truly know me.
And then somehow I connected some mental dots.
Last night I was eating dinner with a group of women before a broadcast I had gone to watch. The conversation was humorous and we were all having a good time. Then the conversation turned, in jest, towards making fun of people who look a certain way. But by a certain way, I don't mean the people who you typically associate with being bullied. No, this was kind of a reverse bullying. The people being referred to were those ladies who otherwise look like they have it all together. Perky boobs, even tans, smooth, wrinkle free skin, perfect hair and nails, you get the idea. One of the ladies was joking about how she wished ill on people like that. That those are the people you want to see fall flat on their face or in her words "fart in public".
I chuckled uneasily, but inside I groaned. Why do women do this to each other? It is said that even in jest there is truth. So even if it was a comedy routine, you know that person who was saying those things really felt that way. Don't get me wrong, what little I know of this gal, I love her. She is witty, fun, beautiful, talented and has a personality you can't help but be drawn to. So I didn't understand the insecurity she blamed for wishing ill on those Barbie types. Didn't she understand how fabulous she was?
I couldn't help but think that we all have motivations for whatever our -isms are in life. Maybe the "Barbie types" (if we want to label them as such, but really I am not comfortable with that) do what they do to fulfill a need and that works for them? My main thought just was, why do we label each other? Why do we form opinions of people whose hearts we don't know? Whether you are skinny or plump, crafty or spartan, intelligent or simple, witty or dull, boisterous or quiet, or whatever scheme of opposites you could throw on the spectrum, why do we care? Why do we compare? Why do we look to others to validate how we feel about ourselves?
But then as this string of thoughts was flowing through my brain I realized, I myself am guilty as charged. Because the whole conversation left me sadly wondering who have I been labeled as? The craving to be a ghost started to sneak in. What conclusions have people drawn about me? It left me feeling naked in the middle of a crowded room. We are all seen everyday of our lives. But there is something gloriously gratifying about being seen. Not for our exteriors, but for our hearts, our minds, our motivations and who we are beyond face value. And yet, as a society and as individuals there is such a draw to write in stone who a person is and what their worth is, based on what only the eye sees.
And that frankly makes my heart very sad.
Last week in Primary (the organization for children in my church, where I volunteer), my awesome friend's daughter, Autumn, got up and read from the book "You are Special" by Max Lucado. In it you follow the journey of a little puppet who struggles with other people's views of him too. In the end he discovers that all that really matters is what the woodcarver, his Maker, thinks of him. It's moments like this I find myself so incredibly grateful to have children in my life, both at home and at church. Because they help me see things as clearly as they should be seen. And when life finds a way of streaking the glass of our perception, there are those little hands that help wipe it clear again.
As I type, I know in my heart, my little light wasn't meant to hide out in a cave, isolated from the world. Even if some days that feels like the safest place to be. I know I just have to continue to work on me and know that my best efforts are good enough for my Maker....and hope other people come to realize the same for themselves. Because while we are all so very different, we are His, and just right in His eyes.
Anyhoot, as I was washing sludge out of bowls, scraping crust out of pans and feeling my fingers began to wrinkle, I wondered. I wondered why today I felt like invisibility would be nice. I wondered how it is that one day I could feel so outgoing and the next subconsciously long for anonymity. To live in my cave, nestled close to the ones who truly know me.
And then somehow I connected some mental dots.
Last night I was eating dinner with a group of women before a broadcast I had gone to watch. The conversation was humorous and we were all having a good time. Then the conversation turned, in jest, towards making fun of people who look a certain way. But by a certain way, I don't mean the people who you typically associate with being bullied. No, this was kind of a reverse bullying. The people being referred to were those ladies who otherwise look like they have it all together. Perky boobs, even tans, smooth, wrinkle free skin, perfect hair and nails, you get the idea. One of the ladies was joking about how she wished ill on people like that. That those are the people you want to see fall flat on their face or in her words "fart in public".
I chuckled uneasily, but inside I groaned. Why do women do this to each other? It is said that even in jest there is truth. So even if it was a comedy routine, you know that person who was saying those things really felt that way. Don't get me wrong, what little I know of this gal, I love her. She is witty, fun, beautiful, talented and has a personality you can't help but be drawn to. So I didn't understand the insecurity she blamed for wishing ill on those Barbie types. Didn't she understand how fabulous she was?
I couldn't help but think that we all have motivations for whatever our -isms are in life. Maybe the "Barbie types" (if we want to label them as such, but really I am not comfortable with that) do what they do to fulfill a need and that works for them? My main thought just was, why do we label each other? Why do we form opinions of people whose hearts we don't know? Whether you are skinny or plump, crafty or spartan, intelligent or simple, witty or dull, boisterous or quiet, or whatever scheme of opposites you could throw on the spectrum, why do we care? Why do we compare? Why do we look to others to validate how we feel about ourselves?
But then as this string of thoughts was flowing through my brain I realized, I myself am guilty as charged. Because the whole conversation left me sadly wondering who have I been labeled as? The craving to be a ghost started to sneak in. What conclusions have people drawn about me? It left me feeling naked in the middle of a crowded room. We are all seen everyday of our lives. But there is something gloriously gratifying about being seen. Not for our exteriors, but for our hearts, our minds, our motivations and who we are beyond face value. And yet, as a society and as individuals there is such a draw to write in stone who a person is and what their worth is, based on what only the eye sees.
And that frankly makes my heart very sad.
Last week in Primary (the organization for children in my church, where I volunteer), my awesome friend's daughter, Autumn, got up and read from the book "You are Special" by Max Lucado. In it you follow the journey of a little puppet who struggles with other people's views of him too. In the end he discovers that all that really matters is what the woodcarver, his Maker, thinks of him. It's moments like this I find myself so incredibly grateful to have children in my life, both at home and at church. Because they help me see things as clearly as they should be seen. And when life finds a way of streaking the glass of our perception, there are those little hands that help wipe it clear again.
As I type, I know in my heart, my little light wasn't meant to hide out in a cave, isolated from the world. Even if some days that feels like the safest place to be. I know I just have to continue to work on me and know that my best efforts are good enough for my Maker....and hope other people come to realize the same for themselves. Because while we are all so very different, we are His, and just right in His eyes.
Saturday, September 29, 2012
Adventures With Mayo...
Brynna just got done watching me, with both fascination and concern, as I schmeared mayonnaise through my hair. (I strongly dislike mayo...taste, smell, feel...so this is taking one for the team. And by team I mean every strand of hair on my head.) Supposedly mayonnaise is supposed to be really good for your hair. And since I am trying to grow out a little length, but also am in the habit of using the blow dryer and flat iron on my hair most days, my ends have started getting to be a little too dry. And as we know, there is no point in having long hair if it looks like wisps of dry, crunchy hay. (I have a visual in my head right now of the horses we were feeding at the barn on Thursday. Noisily crunching and munching on the handfuls of hay the Littles and I were feeding them while the Biggles were having their riding lessons. Yeah....not so interested in having that adorn my face.) So as a result of dreaming of long, silky, luxurious locks I have resorted to ridiculous behavior, like lathering myself in condiments. If you run in to me later looking like a greaseball or smelling like a macaroni salad, I am placing full blame on Pinterest for this one!
P.S. In case you were wondering, here is a Young Crew vocab lesson for you. "Littles" = Lauryn and Devyn, my younger two. And as you may have guessed "Biggles" = Maryn and Brynna, my older two.
P.S. In case you were wondering, here is a Young Crew vocab lesson for you. "Littles" = Lauryn and Devyn, my younger two. And as you may have guessed "Biggles" = Maryn and Brynna, my older two.
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