The only thing better than
this article
is Justin being a dork in the background of me taking a picture of this
article. I love that boy. Anyways, it seems like I have found myself
surrounded by a lot of body conscious and food conscious people over the
last year and a half. I think it's largely due to me being part of the CrossFit community. I am not going to say it is like this across the board with all CrossFit
folks, but this ever-present sort of obsessive mindset seemed to be
exhibited by some around me. I couldn't help but absorb some of that and
had it skirting around the periphery of my mental vision. For reasons I
won't go into here, because it's a big, old long back story, I will
suffice it to say it was bugging me and messing with my mind. The
obsession with which I saw other people living was really bothering me.
Then I found myself subconsciously feeling like I needed to be doing the
same thing, even though it wasn't what I wanted for myself.
Prior
to ever stepping into CrossFit, I had lost about 50 lbs on my own and
kept it off for over a decade and throughout four pregnancies. I
felt like I had a pretty good idea about what worked for me. Moderation.
Using common sense. Exercising. But then I was introduced to this
mindset that complete, unwavering perfection was the only key to success
and performance and it was suffocating me. I felt I was somehow a
failure because I didn't have the desire to adhere to that way of life. I
craved to feel okay with moderation again, but was surrounded by those
who said that was just weakness. I felt there was shame in standing
alone in my thoughts on food, for not falling in line. I started feeling
like a rebel for wanting to eat oatmeal for breakfast for crying out loud.
Additionally, I exercise not to look good, but to feel good.
While I like seeing progress made, my goal has never been to conquer
the world nor has it been to strut around in a bikini, so the whole world can see how hard I workout. That doesn't matter to me. I just want to feel comfortable in my skin. I want to feel strong and healthy. I am not interested in being driven to the point of pushing
myself to injury to achieve. I workout to sweat. To feel oxygen in my
lungs. To push myself further than what is easy. To let my body know I
am giving back to it for all it gives to me. To let it know it is loved
and taken care of.
So when I came across this article, my heart skipped a beat. Because it perfectly
puts into words how I feel about my body. It perfectly puts into words
how I feel about food and relationships. It perfectly describes my view
of what a healthy perspective is. It was such a relief to shake that
feeling that I'm crazy and standing alone. That there is someone else out there that
feels the way I do and isn't ashamed of it either.
My
muscles may never be as defined as someone else. I may never be as fast
or as strong as someone else. I may be faulted for eating oatmeal or
birthday cake. But that's okay, because setting my standards to fulfill
someone else's vision for me was never my goal. My goal in life and in
fitness is to be good to my body, by my own definitions. By what feels
good for me. And to appreciate who I am, for what I am and recognize and
give credit for the efforts I do give, rather than feeling like
whatever I give is never enough.
Here is
the article that put that skip back in my step...
"How To Talk to Your Daughter About Her Body"
How to talk to your daughter about her body, step one: don’t talk to
your daughter about her body, except to teach her how it works.
Don’t say anything if she’s lost weight. Don’t say anything if she’s gained weight.
If you think your daughter’s body looks amazing, don’t say that.
Here are some things you can say instead:
“You look so healthy!” is a great one.
Or how about, “You’re looking so strong.”
“I can see how happy you are – you’re glowing.”
Better yet, compliment her on something that has nothing to do with her body.
Don’t comment on other women’s bodies either. Nope. Not a single comment, not a nice one or a mean one.
Teach her about kindness towards others, but also kindness towards yourself.
Don’t you dare talk about how much you hate your body in front of
your daughter, or talk about your new diet.
In fact, don’t go on a diet
in front of your daughter.
Buy healthy food. Cook healthy meals. But
don’t say “I’m not eating carbs right now.”
Your daughter should never
think that carbs are evil, because shame over what you eat only leads to
shame about yourself.
Encourage your daughter to run because it makes her feel less
stressed.
Encourage your daughter to climb mountains because there is
nowhere better to explore your spirituality than the peak of the
universe.
Encourage your daughter to surf, or rock climb, or mountain
bike because it scares her and that’s a good thing sometimes.
Help your daughter love soccer or rowing or hockey because sports
make her a better leader and a more confident woman.
Explain that no
matter how old you get, you’ll never stop needing good teamwork.
Never
make her play a sport she isn’t absolutely in love with.
Prove to your daughter that women don’t need men to move their furniture.
Teach your daughter how to cook kale.
Teach your daughter how to bake chocolate cake made with six sticks of butter.
Pass on your own mom’s recipe for Christmas morning coffee cake.
Pass on your love of being outside.
Maybe you and your daughter both have thick thighs or wide ribcages.
It’s easy to hate these non-size zero body parts.
Don’t.
Tell your
daughter that with her legs she can run a marathon if she wants to, and
her ribcage is nothing but a carrying case for strong lungs.
She can
scream and she can sing and she can lift up the world, if she wants.
Remind your daughter that the best thing she can do with her body is to use it to mobilize her beautiful soul.
