Sometimes in life you have the opportunity to see the way your life could have played out right in front of you, in a way that shakes you to the core. It makes you scared and grateful all at once, like standing on the other side of an accident that should have killed you. I have had the opportunity to reflect over the last week, as I have watched heavy things go down in a friend's life, on how it's the small moments that have the greatest impact. It's all these tiny bits and pieces, those choices, that lead us up to the defining moments where we see what we are made of.
I can't tell you how many times I have walked up to Justin in the last few days and just tilted my head into his neck, right under his chin, where we fit together just right, and breathed him in. We are here, he is mine, and we made it. We weathered the storm. We have talked about how scary it is to realize how close we came to losing it all. That our lives could be separate right now. That pictures of those moments that a life was built on could be nothing more than a painful reminders of distant, happier past life.
I have shed tears at the loss of others and gotten down on my knees and thanked God for preserving our marriage. For repairing what was broken. For speaking to us, and helping us to have ears to hear, so that when those small moments led up to those defining decisions, His will was known. I am grateful He knew what we didn't. That this life was worth fighting for. That our marriage had the power to become what we each needed it to be, even when it seemed all was lost. That beyond anger and hurt of the past was friendship in it's truest form waiting on the other side.
I wish I could tell my friend in a way that she would hear that beauty can be born from heartache, and a deeper love from from our hardest times. But I feel like I am shouting into the wind, and my words aren't heard. All I can do now is hold on extra tight, and thank my Father above for giving us the strength to fight for this life. To remember how close we came to losing it all. To know that happy families don't just happen. To remember that anything worth having in life is worth working and fighting for.
As I tuck under his chin, and his arms envelope me as they pull me close, I know my life with Justin is just as it should be. We are a miracle. Our life together is a miracle. And I will thank God every day for it.
