Project 365 {2013} - Day 300

Every Sunday on the way home from church Lauryn begs me to let her out of the van at the front of the neighborhood so she can run home. I just love that kid!!

Project 365 {2013} - Day 299

 It's me. I'm here.

It's funny how the slightest change can throw you off schedule. I got behind in uploading my Project 365 photos and then somehow just stopped doing it all together. The old me would have said "That's it, I screwed up. I might as well throw in the towel now since I ruined the whole dang thing."

But life is all about screw ups and how you recover from them. So here I am, dusting myself off and getting back in the saddle. I will try to fill in the missing pieces where I can and when I can. But I know on those days I missed taking a picture were days life was spent being lived.

xoxo

Project 365 {2013} - Day 296

I was peeling a banana for Devyn tonight and started chuckling to myself. I will never be able to look at a banana end and not think of my first CrossFit coach, Karen! It cracks me up every time! She said that she grew up always ripping the end off because she was taught that the banana end is where the bugs live.

What the heck?! I had never heard that in my entire life! She used it as an analogy to teach us that no matter how deeply ingrained something is in us, like how bugs live in banana ends, doesn't mean it is true. We may be stronger than we think, even if we have always been told the contrary, either by ourselves or others. I know I should probably see banana ends as some profound lesson, but I really just envision Karen spazzing out about gross bugs! Haha, I love that lady!

Crowded Flights and Crying Babies

I am sitting on a plane right now, flying solo, in a crowded cabin of people. Across the aisle a mother comforts her crying baby and I thought, amongst people’s annoyed shifts in their body language, what a beautiful sound it is.

My four babies are at home. I should be enjoying this time without having to consider another person’s feelings, wants or needs. But all I really want to do is to scoop that baby up and offer her mother a break. I wouldn’t of course, because even if the nicest stranger would have offered that to me at that phase of my life I would have thought them a crazy person. But still, it would make me happy.

It made me reflect on my own girls though and the path I have traveled in my own journey as a mom over this past decade. How in that moment, when it was me on that plane with the tiny, inconsolable baby, how I was so weighed down with stress and worry. “Was I ruining everyone else’s flight?” Feeling helpless at not knowing how to make a situation better that affected everyone around me. Now I wish I could tell that mom across the aisle that I think it is a beautiful sound. That I am thankful to see a mother’s work at work.

In a world where it seems like most strangers you meet seem to be keenly concerned with their own selfish thoughts, wants and needs, seeing a mother in action is a breath of fresh air. With every shush and rocking, a breath of effort is made on someone else's behalf. Putting aside your own comforts and interests for someone else, especially for someone as innocently demanding as a baby, is a beautiful thing.

As Justin and I drove past our old exit on the freeway on the way to the airport we reflected on how different our life was then, when we lived off that old lane of memories. We had no children. Our schedules were our own. Our money, however little it was, was our own. We chuckled about how different our lives are now. My life, my schedule, my efforts, my money, everything, is often about everyone but me…and that is okay. Surrendering to motherhood and the process of being able to truly serve others every day has brought me more joy that any other inwardly focused motivation.

Let’s not kid ourselves though. Being a mom is the hardest, most stressful, nerve-wracking, guilt-inducing, labor-intensive thing I have ever done. But it is so, so good. Elevated by all the intangibles that you can never quite put your finger on, but that make the process so dang fulfilling.

I firmly believe that it is important to take care of ourselves. To not forget who we are and remember to put ourselves on the map of our own life. But, my girls have taught me that while we so often we think the pursuit to happiness is paved by solely taking care of ourselves, true joy is found in nurturing others. 

So I find myself grateful as I sit wedged, elbows tucked and sore-bummed on this stale-aired flight for that crying baby and her momma’s testament to the potential for goodness within each one of us.

Project 365 {2013} - Day 285

We had such a fun in-gym competition this morning between the morning classes and the evening classes! It's amazing the bond that is forged with the people that you sweat with. You see each other at your strongest and see each other at your weakest. You celebrate each others successes and rally through failures. They see the real, totally unfiltered you. And they love you anyways. I am so, so grateful for my gym family. I just love them all so dang much and know if it wasn't for all their love, confidence and support of me, I probably would have bailed a long time ago in my CrossFit journey.

Project 365 {2013} - Day 282

The girl I sit next to at work, Lisa, is Catholic. My friend Mormon friend Tracy Ensign, who knows Lisa, got this rosary at the Vatican and asked me to give it to her. One of the many things I love about living in the South is that there are so many faiths represented here. We recently had a new missionary from Utah bear his testimony in church. He said in Utah there are either Mormons or anti-Mormons and very little else in between. Being mostly raised in the South that was such a new concept for me that I had never really thought about. I love and have a firm belief in my faith and am happy to share with anyone who inquires about it. But I do also love being able to benefit from being surrounded by other wonderful people of all different beliefs that help me to see the world from new perspectives.

Project 365 {2013} - Day 279

We are all missing our families, but are also sad to leave this view and time behind. We sat out on the patio this morning and ate a delicious breakfast Jackie made us. Let me just tell you, that woman can make a feast out of anything! She took all our random leftovers in the fridge and worked some serious magic! I wish I could just have her live at my house!

 We were mostly quiet as we ate, taking it in as we watched a dolphin swim it's way up the coast near the shoreline and watching a little family play in the sand near the waters edge. This weekend has been absolutely rejuvenating. I feel like I will be a better wife and mother when I go home because I took this time for myself. I am so grateful for the opportunity I had to be here this weekend with such a wonderful group of women!